i miss my dad

Sometimes when i look at the empty furniture in the living room, or the shoe rack with my dad's shoes, i feel really sad. i feel like theres this injustice and that i just have to shout and scream it out, why! i really miss my dad who was my pillar of strength, life is going to be hard without him. i know that hes in heaven now without tears and he wont want to see my cry or sad either. But its just so painful to remember him, so painful. Jesus please wipe away my tears and give me and my mother strength to overcome this.

Jesus is real

Though times for me now are not really the same since my dad issnt with us anymore, i really feel Jesus holding me now. Last night when i was sleeping i kept having nightmares and was in fear and uncertainty over the future, i do not know why but everynight i may think about my dad and be really afraid and really scared about life as i do not know how to face it. This would lead me to lose sleep and have nightmares. I woke up at 3am after a nightmare of running away from people. In my dream i was being chased by this person and i had to keep running and scaling walls. After i went to the toilet and came back i told my mum i couldnt sleep and she gave me a quater of a sleeping pill. I went back to bed but i still felt very afraid and very anxious. I didnt know how my future would be and i needed assurance. I prayed. I was crying when i started praying but as i prayed on my tears just didnt flow anymore and my heart was provided with this shalom peace that i know only Jesus could give. He assured me that everything is alright and even gave me a picture in my mind that He is dancing with my father! How wonderful it is to have that image! soon i fell asleep and i know that Jesus is with me 24hrs of the day and whenever i call he would come, to assure and comfort, as he is the prince of peace.

bye dad

Goodbye dad. See you in heaven

road kill

JUst came back from running. stamina not so good le. hahas. ANyways on the way back i saw this dumbass boy who almost got killed. He was bouncin a basketball across the road, and he succeeded.Then he tries to bounce it up the stairs, not so smart. The ball hits the corner of a step and it bounces to the road. Traffic is coming but the boy thinks hes the flash, hurries to the ball without looking at oncoming traffic. Taxi screeched to a halt upon the sight of a retarded child. Boy rushes back after retrieving the ball. Continues to try to bounce it up the stairs again. They never learn do they.

STUFF

I guess two days ago i went out with my cousin! Watched friday the 13th which is just a lame murder show with one hero at the end to kill the damn jason and alot of titties inbetween for no reason. I guess its like a horror/ titties show lol. The titties all so damn fake its so disgusting and Jason the monster never dies??? WTF man hes like some superman from hell. Then i got my slippers from NUM which burned super big hole in my pocket, freakin 33 bucks. Ate at billy bombers, the chicken wings still... despite being billy's rodeo wings plus the 13 bucks we were paying for it it tasted like shit. Had to keep dipping the wings into the hot sauce to have some damn taste. OLD CHANG KEE still the best i tell u . CHEAP AND GOOD.
Then i had my NS health checkup yesterday which was kinda smooth. I almost fainted during the drawing of my blood, bloody hell hav to wake up at 7am to squeeze with the assholes on the train plus i didnt eat at all then still draw like 50ml of my blood. But the army dudes gave me milo so not tt bad, still like got some sick bay thing for cui ppl like me. later during the last station i gei kiang tell him i fainted before, then now army wants me to go for some treadmail test for my heart. basket dunno if i can still make it for july batch.

dreams

last night i just dreamt that my dad recovered! but when i woke up and reality hit me right smack in the face, i felt empty again. Somehow there's this void in my heart which i have been tryin to replace and sometimes it fills up but other times it just fades away. Tryin to lead a normal life, a life of routine but with so many twists and turns, i am finding it hard to catch up. Yesterday my aunt said sth very real in prayer, she said that God never promise that the skys will always be blue but he promises that we will always have hope in Him. The weather is certainly not clear for me now in this dark period but theres always sunshine after the storm and when that peek of ray shines out, i am promised that there are more good things to come.

i need to get bigger

damn sian my weights at home maxed out le so that means i cannot grow any bigger from doing the same shit over and over again. need to get new weights